Emotional Regulation

Relationships are extremely important in our lives. We need people to support us and love us, and we need people to have fun with. When we don’t have enough relationships in our lives, it can impact our mood and how we deal with crisis situations. 

Emotional Regulation skills to help you to recognise more clearly what you feel and then to observe each emotion without getting overwhelmed by it. The goal is to moderate your feelings without behaving in reactive, destructive ways

In short, being more aware of your emotions and how to regulate them

Emotions can be very uncomfortable and we just want to get rid of them. Trying to get rid of emotions in an unhealthy way usually doesn’t work and is not helpful.

What is more helpful is to own your emotions so that you can have more control over them. 

How to regulate your emotions

1.How to identify them:

2.The connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviours

3.The different types of emotions and how we deal with them

What are emotions?

Emotions are more than feelings although feelings are part of emotions – we often get the two confused. Emotions include bodily reactions (such as body chemistry and body language), thoughts (including images, memories and action urges) as well as the way we feel. 

For example:

When we feel angry, we also experience bodily reactions like an increase in heart rate and tension in our muscles. Our thoughts generally become angry and often judgemental about the situation, and these thoughts might be followed by an urge to attack either verbally or physically.

Emotional experience varies from person to person although there are universal emotions like crying when you are sad or smiling when you are happy. Some people find it hard to name their emotions. Consider your own experience of emotions; do you sometimes have a hard time identifying any? Do you sometimes feel upset or bad and not be able to pinpoint the emotion you are feeling or where it came from?

Exercise: Try and identify some emotions

The link between Emotions, Thoughts and Behaviours

Emotions, thought and behaviours are a triad. Our thoughts effect our emotions and behaviours, out emotions effect out thought and behaviours and our behaviours effect our emotions and thoughts. It is like a vicious circle.  

For example:

If you have a disagreement with your boss it might lead to emotions of hurt, anger and disappointment. These emotions lead to thoughts about the situations and you think he is unfair and didn’t treat you well. You can think about it again and again – how unfair he is and how horrible your job is (thoughts). You might consider getting a new job (though) because you feel overwhelmed. Then you might ask to go home early because you feel sick (behaviour).

Because so many emotions, thoughts and behaviours are flying around it might be easy for you to say you feel like you need to get a new job, when this is actually a thought. 

Exercise: Consider the feelings, thoughts and behaviours that you exhibit – can you name them as an emotion, a thought, or a behaviour?

I want to talk about a few emotions like anger, happiness, sadness, anxiety and fear, love.

Exercise: Do you feel it is your human right to feel these feelings? How were these emotions responded to when you were a child? Is there anyone who has affected the way you respond to any of these emotions?

We need emotions because they are a sign and even thought they might be uncomfortable at the time, they play an important role in our lives. Emotions motivate you. Anger is a sign that you are unhappy about something and that you might need to do something about it. Fear also motivates you by preparing the fight/flight response – flee, fight, freeze or faint.

Live in the now